Feedback on the paper from the professor: You have a lot of good material; however, your writing style – no direct citations and some paraphrasing that is too close to the original text – is not appropriate for an academic essay. I’d like you to rewrite this essay, but first we’ll meet to discuss academic writing: how to use citations, when to paraphrase, etc. What I want you to do to prep for our meeting is pull out the quotations from each article and scenes from the film that you used to build this essay. What are the important ones? We’ll use those quotations/scenes as a foundation for writing.
Talked with the professor, she said, that she wants to see quotations in the paper, she want the paper to be as a dialogue – for example, when we talk about sexism – quote one article, and then the other one that has the sexism theme, and then your view/opinion/explanation. She also said that some parts are too close to the original it is better to just quote it, but still use paraphrasing as one of your writing tools in the essay.
Attaching again the readings named 1,2,3 and also the instructions. I will attach one more reading on the same theme, you can use it but don’t reference it, also this reading is an example of the format she is looking for (from the first page you can see how the author uses quotes from other readings starting “As Ekow Eshun writes more than a decade after Diawara’s observation, “Success in the music industry…..”.” This article is called “My Passport Says Shawn”.
She will be marking the essay in relation to learning outcomes 1,2 and 4.
(1) Do you address the “scholarly debates concerning popular music cultures”: here, the tension between dominant and subordinate cultures? – The first point – important to talk about Stuart Hall’s article (p.110) and compare it with Tricia Rose’s article (p. 24) – they have the same opinion on this issue. This time maybe let’s start with these tensions between dominant and subordinate, and then go on about tensions. No need to talk about hip hop as a whole, we start right away with the tensions and contradictions. This first part from the essay, that we don’t need: Hip-hop culture has long been an intriguing topic of debate among philosophers, historians, and music scholars. It has transformed the American fashion with its loose-fitting clothing, sneakers, boots, colors and designs and the practices of graffiti in the streets and subways. This culture emerges from the deindustrialization meltdown where prophetic imagination, social alienation, and yearning intersect. Ideally, it attempts to negotiate new technological and economic conditions as well as gender, class and racial oppression in Urban America. This paper presents a profound discussion of the major dynamic tensions and contradictions that shape the hip-hop culture. The analysis is based on three readings and an educative film. – She wants the paper to start right with these tensions – what are they, what is the problem.
(2) Do you “respond evaluatively to the relevant academic literature”?
(4) Do you “communicate successfully your argument”?
The third learning outcome for the course – “to engage in critical, analytical and original self-directed scholarly research” – links (for me) to how you find and analyze a topic of your own choosing. Although you are welcome to think through an example for this essay, you are not required to do so and will not be marked against this learning outcome.
Let me know if you have any questions.